Tragic Trick

I’m a little magician with my little box of tricks
I’ve got some coloured tied up scarves, and some juggling sticks
A plastic wand I picked up for just two pounds ninety nine
A jaunty top hat passers by have said looks mighty fine

So I’ve got the look tied down, I’m sure you’ll all agree
I look like a bit of a twat, to put it simply
I can only assume that is good for my career
I guess if it goes down the pan I’ll just make it disappear

I’ve read so many magic books, Even kidnapped a dove
I’ve got to grips with Derren Brown, and bought some long black gloves
I cut out some paper stars, stuck to my shirt with tape
And then found out that curtains make a really fetching cape

My new ensemble turned heads, especially in the playground
The head of course, usually mine, as the kids knock it around
I never knew that blood could come from out of my own ear
Maybe I’ll put that in my show, it’s bound to get a cheer

At the moment, I’m on the search for a glamorous assistant
Some of the girls down at the park so far have been resistant
I’m not entirely sure as to why they’re being so modest
After all - there’s magic - then there’s a girl in a gold bodice…

I didn’t get into this business to score with loads of chicks
But when I get to tie them up, I’ll admit I get kicks.
I don’t exactly know why, but Mummy says its okay
I’ll understand when I’m older, well - I really couldn’t say

But I’ve no time to worry about potential romances
My life is my career now, cause I’ll get no second chances
The stage is all set up, and I’ll admit I’m getting tense
I’m a little magician, and they’re my big audience



I’ve got to stick it out though! I’ve got to make my mark!
But now I’m really nervous, good job that these pants are dark…
I walk on to the platform, my knees positively shaking
Good thing my arms aren’t, as I juggle - and there’s no mistaking

That the audience are clapping, and I’m a total hit
Just wait ’til they see ‘the sawing girls in half bit!’
Which might I add goes brilliantly, the audience are silenced
I guess I should’ve warned them that my magic show is violent

‘Behold! The girl is cut in half!’ I announce, my face beaming
It’s just the same as on TV, except without the screaming!
It’s okay though, ‘cause I know, they just edit it out
One day, I’ll get that luxury too, that’s what its all about

I then slot back the bloody box, the audience disbelieving
Remove the lid in triumph, ’til I notice she’s not breathing
“But I don’t understand!” I murmur, the crowd silent as ever
“When I see them do it on TV, the girls slot back together!”



The audience disperses, all fingers thrice hit nine,
Coupled with my mums’ insistence that “it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine!”
I notice lots of cars pull up, I figure they’re my fans
I take off the bloody gloves, and get ready to shake some hands

A man in blue approaches me, and takes me by the arm
My mother begging him I never meant anyone harm
“Shut up mum, I’m famous now!” I say, face turning red
But in replace of the man’s grip, were handcuffs now instead

“Wow I’m very flattered” I gasp, clasped in metal
“A private showing just for you? Well sir - then it is settled”
My fan looks most confused, as I contort my arms in shapes
Escaping from the cuffs jubilant, as the gent just gapes.

“I’ve been practising that one for years!” I proudly declare.
God, he looked dead impressed, that’s one hell of a stare.
The next thing I know, I’m in his car, dare I say by magic
“Son, the only word used to describe that trick is ‘tragic.’”

“I think the word is ‘magic’, sir” I gently intervene
“Unless you were removing the biggest splinter seen…
We could begin to understand, and maybe just respect the
Completely mind boggling reason why you would dissect her.”

I am a little magician with a little box of tricks
But for reasons I can’t state, they took away my sticks
In fact I’m not permitted to say much more than I ought,
‘Cause I might have to rely on this poem later when in court.