I wish that I was brilliant

I wish that I was brilliant
Impeccably resilient
And resolute and aspirant
To be even more excellent

Than others that are brilliant
And others that are excellent
With mothers that will smother
Them in utter love and other

Bits of praise that lasts for days and days
Because they’re just born to amaze
And that is what I want to be
To a tolerable degree

At least, or maybe just this once
The chance for utter brilliance
And glory bursting at the seams
My name played out to seas of screams

But the good type of piercing cries
That aren’t prefixed before you die
The ones that try to sort of say
You’re brilliant in every way

But in case we all forgot
Brilliant? Me? Maybe not.
At best I’m simply adequate
And even that is pushing it

The screams are just fictitious
The screams are simply vicious
Lies that try to compromise to me
And glamorize adequacy.

When I think - I lament
I analyze every event
And pick and pick down to the wick
Of slicker wit I should’ve picked

And when I dance - I flounder
Like a dog loose from the pound, the
Style I have is just detailing
Some sort of synchronized flailing

And when I speak - I stammer.
I do not talk I hammer
Out the words like invisible bullets
And every syllable is dull it’s

Like a storm of over-used
And clichéd phrases so abused
The words don’t make sense anymore
Yet tumble from my jabbering jaw

Like chewed up bits of unused wit
That’s pretty screwed up - isn’t it?
I almost wish I’d never spoke
Or at least saved the awful jokes

For a time that never existed
You’d think I could’ve just resisted
Being just that bit not brilliant
And a lot less unintelligent

But there’s no point hating myself
I mean - at least I’ve got my health
And what’s the point in all the rife
Claims of “I hate my life”
“I hate my life”

I guess things are sort of alright
Not being particularly bright
There’s no point wallowing in spite
Despite my brilliance being slight

The brilliant ones, deserve to be
Because they just are naturally.
And you know what? That’s okay.
(I bet they’re all bastards anyway )